By doing Strange Dominions since January of last year and being a guest on other podcasts where I’ve had to divulge details into my thought process on the paranormal and magic, it has given me a chance to reflect on my personal path through magic and the paranormal and where I am today. I feel that I need to dedicate a blog post to this subject for anyone who may be in the same boat I am, which is a raft of frustration and disappointment.
On the surface it would seem that I have only been engaged in the magical tradition for a short time, 5 years or so. But as I have learned about deeper definitions of magic and the occult I realize that I’ve actually been engaged in the phenomena for much longer then that. I would say that my journey really began as a small child. I would spend many afternoons and evenings in the woods of my childhood home and my grandparents house searching endlessly for beings that I desperately wanted to exist. Dragons, gnomes, fairies and the like. Things I had seen heard and read about in movies, Tv and books. Unlike many people in the magical community, I never had any direct contact with these beings which was greatly disappointing to me given how many hours I would spend playing and searching in the Sylvan kingdoms. What I am very thankful for through this process was my ability to retain my imagination which is just as strong now as it was at the age of 5 years old.
At this same time I was gaining invaluable knowledge and experience in aesthetic and theoretical knowledge of the occult through my beloved grandmother. She read ghost stories to me and introduced me to the different mythologies of the world. This undoubtedly fueled my search for the beings described therein. The thing that my current forays into the occult has shown me is that I lacked many critical skills as a child that would have allowed me to experience these beings and recognize the value in those possible interactions.
growing up I still spent a lot of times in the woods, by going hiking and camping with my friends. My attention was drawn to the darker aspects of the natural world by going on night hikes and visiting abandoned properties. While I still did not have as many direct experiences as I would have liked I still value these excursions greatly. By this point I was using my love of strange beings and mythologies to create music. My first band, Funerary Descent, dealt exclusively with ghosts, spirits and haunting and tried to create a “spooky” musical atmosphere which I felt was severely lacking in the black and doom metal genres. While writing and recording early material for Funerary Descent, I searched endlessly for instructions on performing magic. What I was exposed to initially was Crowley, who at the time I greatly admired but never digested properly, and Wicca, which I was initially excited about until I had a few experiences with a coven my ex girlfriend had started. I can remember a very specific instance where I had been setting with my back straight up against my bedroom door trying to “open” my third eye from a YouTube video I had found. That was one of numerous failed attempts at doing so.
I still had fun writing about magic and the paranormal through music. The imagery and lore was an endless source of inspiration to me. By the time I was 20 I had released 2 demos with Funerary Descent and was exploring the world of Left hand path occultism through my many friends who were of the satanic ilk. I had a very difficult time understanding and implementing the practical aspects of that path and when I asked people who supposedly practiced that form of magic I was met with the same response: “If you don’t get it then I won’t tell you anyway” this turned me off to that path considerably. But I had discovered the lesser key of Solomon and very much wanted to practice it but I never had the space or the money for the tools to do it properly. I was a loose pagan and had been since the age of 6. I would routinely go hiking and speak to the spirits of the land although I don’t remember ever getting a response.
I still searched for a way into the practical side of magic. That brings us to the day I really got serious about doing it in Ernest. I have talked about my Mushroom trip many times on Strange Dominions and other shows so I will speak here about the part that matters. During the height of the trip I was instructed by my friend to close my eyes and when I did I saw a massive serpent coming towards me from the inky blackness of my mind. Immediately after the trip I believed I had been in contact with Jormangandr the world serpent and it was a sign I needed to take my pagan practices seriously. I began reading the Eddas and other modern literature and would attempt to meditate on a daily basis but found it very difficult. I also made repeated attempts at contacting the gods but became frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get an answer. After starting the podcast I soon met Luke Bell, the ceremonial magician. I began studying Solomonic magic seriously and incorporated many of its basic tenants in my magical practice. I did the Stele Of Jeu for the first time in march of 2022 and received a dream that I believe to this day was Hekate reaching out to me. I set up an altar to her and made weekly offerings and received a few small notions of contact. I still went out into the woods to make contact with the spirits of the land but still had no Luck in gaining a response. But my meditation practice got better and I learned more about the subtle ways of contacting spirits in dreams and other similar methods. This all brings us to today. I do believe I have had very subtle contact with the spirit realm and some very small results from my magic but I am still striving for larger more tangible results and contact. I get frustrated from time to time and even lapse in my practice do to this frustration. But I now know how integral patience and silence is to magic and I have found it has served me more then I realized.
to those of you who listen to the show and wonder when I’m going to be summoning demons and recording it for the show, it is coming. I am still learning and will do more serious rituals when I feel I have the physical and mental means to do so.
to those of you who listen to the show and wish to do magic but feel frustrated by not getting the results others talk about. Don’t worry about it. You are still a magician and you will get what you seek as long as you don’t give up. My advice is to keep reading and practicing what you can but I also recommend finding a trusted local mentor to learn from on a one on one basis.
thank you all for listening to the show and being part of this journey with me and as always, I will see you again on the Strange Dominions
